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Wed, Mar. 23rd, 2005, 09:41 pm
My spirit wanders lost in purgatory...searching to answers only to be left unanswered...

Why is it that my family cannot see how hard it is that I am trying to work to make everything so much better in my life?  Why can't they understand that nothing is easy in life and certain things take longer than others to achieve and actually accomplish.  I am doing the best that I can with what I have been given and what I am capable of doing.  I am constantly trying to better things in my life to make things easier on everyone and no one can seem to understand that.  I am trying to get full time at my hourly paying job, but there are no addition hours availble since it is the slow season.  I am trying to get my liscense at my other job so that I can go out and help people and so that I can make the money that I need to pay off my debts, save for a car, and save for other things that I want to do that I am no going to list here because of wondering and unwanted eyes.  Along with all of this, I am still trying to find an over night job working anywhere just to have the extra cash flow until I can get my licsense.  However getting a nigth job is difficult for me since I do not have a car and that I know my family will not want to be driving my over nights.  No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try...nothing seems to impress them and I makes me feel like I am nothing in my families eyes.  I cannot control the fact that the first time I went to take my liscensing test that I was not able to go the day of the test because I had a gum line infection that blew up the entire left side of my face to the point that my left eye was swollen shut.  I cannot control that fact that the second time I went to go take my test, my ride was unable to take me because of matters that were out of her hands.  I know that if I were to ask my family to take me to my test that all they would do is bitch and moan because the testing center is out in Neptune and they make it sound like it is SOOO far away when it is only a 20 minute car ride on the parkway to get there.  I cannot control the fact that there are no extra hours at my other job so that I could move up from part-time to full-time.  Yet I still bust my ass doing anything and everything to prove to them I am am a hard working person and that I sincerely and desperately need that position.  I cannot help thefact that I cannot go elsewhere to a better pay job for the fact that it is the slow season and no one is hiring at the moment.  Not to mention that it sickens me that my co-workers at both jobs have more consideration, compassion, and understanding than my own family of how there is nothing that I can do right now to make anything any better given the situation.   

The best way I can figure of even attempting to express the emotions that are raging through my mind, body and soul as of this moment are perfectly said by one of my friends here on myspace:  "Right now I am stumbling, carrying a box of glass emotions and I'm going to stumble down the stairs of bad choices and crash on the floor of broken dreams."  Not so much the part of "bad choice" but so much the fact that I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted and drain.  I feel as if I were a tab of butter scrapped over too much bread.  And at any moment, my emotions are just going to get entirely way out fo hand and I'll be so over whelmed that my emotions are just going to shatter into millions of tiny shards and at that point there will be no point of continuing on trying to make things better for myself because I'll no longer care and all my hopes and dreams will shatter along with my emotions.

Why do I even bother?

Wed, Jan. 12th, 2005, 11:08 pm
doom doom doom boredom doom doom doom

I know that as of late a lot of my postings have been either private or friends only.  Now, mainly for the fact that I signed up to a new website and left a link to here, I'm posting this one openly this way they can see that I am still breathing and kicking.

Wed, Jan. 12th, 2005, 12:38 am
Oh jeez......

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Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
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Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
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Fri, Dec. 31st, 2004, 07:42 pm
"Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"


Which Family Guy character are you?

Thu, Dec. 16th, 2004, 02:18 am
See what sheer boredom has lead me to.....

JJolly
EEdgy
PPlain
FFun
IIdeal
UUnreal
GGood

Name / Username:


Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com




Goddess of Magic


What Kind of Goddess Are You?
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How to make a jepfiug
Ingredients:

1 part jealousy

3 parts brilliance

3 parts empathy
Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add sadness to taste! Do not overindulge!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com


What is your emo band name? by spiralinghalo
Your band name is:Appleseed Memories
You sound like:Foo Fighters
You will be signed to:Saddle Creek Records
Your emo lyrics are:"I miss the way you used to know who I was"
Name:
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Omae wa dochira juunishi no MEMBAA desu ka?
[koyasunomiko.com]




You see the world in Red
Red:
Aren't you the romantic? Life is poetic. If you
don't already, write poetry, you're good at it.




What color do you see the world in?
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Others
"Without friends no one would choose to live,
though he had all other goods."
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC), Nichomachean Ethics


What Motivates You?
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Sylph
You are a Sylph!
The sylphs are the air spirits. Their element has
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Sylphs often assume human form but only for short
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You are Audrey Hepburn. You aren't a firey beauty
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LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:jepfiug
Your haiku:on the dance floor he
wouldn't let me go for now i
will be on here more
Username:
Created by Grahame


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Romantic Kiss
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Your eyes are mysterour or hidden. You never like to go out and meet new people. You never trust anyone untill you have know them for years. you never talk to your parents about anything at all, and you neve tell your friends everything that you should. They say they care about you, but you think they just want something from you. Sooner or latter in life you know you will find that one true friend.


founding father quiz
Realist - Your realistic character may be a lot
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lean upon. You also tend to rise to the
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Your Sexual Flavor Is Vanilla


Sweet, simple, uncomplicated

You go with the flow, and go well with any lover.
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Secret talent: Pole dancing



What's Your Sexual Flavor?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva





You Should Read Harelquin Romance


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You Are Bad Girl Sexy


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You are a Rocker Girl!


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Mon, Jul. 19th, 2004, 05:16 am

Hey guys.  How's everyone been?  I know it has been a long time.  I just never have time anymore.  I am always working and I usual go out right after to work when I come home I just crash and burn.

Went to Ozzfest on Friday!  A-fucking-mazing!  I have sunburn like a motherfucker, but it's cool.  I went with Dale, Patrick, Seth, John, Julie, Steve J., Sean, Dana, Stephine, Tuckerman, Chad, Abby, and Justin.  It was awesome!  I didn't really get to see anyone on second stage b/c we were all tailgating in the parking lot until noon.  I got to see Unearth, Hatebreed, Slipknot, ...uhm...damn...there was more...but too tired to remember.  We all eventually broke off into our own little groups.  I knew Steve was going to want to go in to pits with the rest of the guys, so I got to pal around with Julie.  We had fun.  I had fun just walking around with her showing her all the cool stands.  It was hers, John's, and Sean R's first Ozzfest.  So they had a great time! :)

I was supposed to go to one of Will's shows on Saturday to go see him and his band Severence at Club Krome.  Unfortunately, b/c of Ozzfest and my sunburn, I didn't go.  I was just way to exhausted to go to another show and deal with more pits.  Instead I hung out with John and Missy in Point.  Then Theresa, Megan T., and myself went out to Seaside.  Good times...good times...

Work has been bullshit, bet everyone can relate.

Home has been decent.  Some points are up, some points are down.  But that's usually how it goes.

I haven't been to bed yet and I'm getting kinda sleepy.  So until next time kiddies...which will hopefully be sooner than my recent postings...take care...talk to you guys later...

xoxo @-->--

Ironhide
You are Ironhide. You are a tough skinned old war
horse. You have to be one of the onriest
individuals ever. You are a natural protector
and you will place yourself in harms way for
any of your comrads. Your body and mind both
move a little slowly, but when things get
hairy, you are the one who can take all the
flak and still be standing at the end. Rock on
with your tough as hell self.

Transformers Generation One Personality Test
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Tue, Jun. 22nd, 2004, 08:28 pm
happy birthday to me!

Slander!
on_linequizzes is secretly married to a wolf!
angeldevildrea has the last piece of Aztec gold.
wajgomciyul has secret, sordid fantasies about deathinwolfeyes and acts them out with phspikey!
tiggerz7859 runs a secret pornography ring. caliqtnabmw and bluetrance are regular models.
cmosquito had better clear their internet cache before indyrodeogirl comes home.
jepfiug performed a "sexual act" upon cmosquito in a public toilet!

Enter your username to dish the dirt on your friends!





heartsick
You have a heartsick soul! Youre the type of girl
who always has a crush and is writing their
name on all your books. You are a hopeless
romantic. Waiting for that prince charming, you
take love seriously, but still play any chance
you get. You can have a lot if boys who are
friends, but waiting for that perfect
boyfriend. Sometimes you are discouraged
because there are no sparks but even if the
smallest thing happens, youre on Cloud 9. You
believe in true love and wait for it. Just dont
be afraid to take a chance. Love is all about
risks.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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Sun, May. 16th, 2004, 04:19 pm

Hey everybody.  Sorry I have not bee around as of late.  There has been some serious shit going down that I can't really get into right now, but I will eventually.  Besides the serious shit, things have been cool.  Been at Theresa's for the last couple of weeks.  Megwan has been here for the last couple of nighs as well.  Work has been okay.  Get this shit.  I got employee of the month b/c all the mnagers agreed that I have been busting my ass and that I deserve it.  Okay, cool.  I have back problems and on Mother's Day, I had to call out because I was having spazisms and could not get out of bed let alone work.  I call about five hours before my shift to let Bill know that I COULD NOT come in but I would try to find someone to cover my shift.  I tried--I failed.  I called back a few hours later, amd I got Lou on the phone.  He blacked out onme!  "This is unacceptable.  It's Mother's Day!  It's the busiest day of the year!  You can't get anyone to cover you shift!  You never mentioned that you had a medical problem! ..."  Well, I don't consider have a back problem as a medical priblem since this kind of pain only happens...once maybe twice a year.  Secondly, I can see it being somewhat busy on Mother's Day. but not ridiculously busy like he had said.  Even my co-workers said it was not all that busy.  Then Lou told me to come into work with a doctors note the next day.  That night at 1:30am i took a taxi to the hospital just to get a damn note.  i went to work the next day, handed my note to Donna, and she told methat if i did not come in with this note that they were going to suspend me.  How the fuck are you going to suspend me for something that I cannot help.  Also, you all tell me shouldI need anything, just let them know and they'll take care of it.  I had to get someoen to cover my shift, they didn't do shit.  How are you going to suspend the employee of the month when i can't even lift my head let alone run around a resturant.  I fucking hate people.

Tue, Apr. 20th, 2004, 02:52 pm
Ahhh...lazy day...

After working ten days straight, I finally have a few days off this week. So, so happy. I didn't do shit yesterday. I guess from work, I was just worn down and slept most of the day. Some R+R finally!

Sean just got home. Robo and Billy are here, too. They're just chillin in the living room. I was talking wit Robo for a bit, but then Sean kicked me out of the living room so him and the guys can sleep. It's cool though. I wanted to get on-line anyway before I get tired again.

Eh...that's it...ttyl

 xoxoxoxo

I adopted a cute lil' death fetus from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus! I adopted a cute lil' poison fetus from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus! I adopted a cute lil' gothy fetus from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

Sun, Apr. 18th, 2004, 07:18 pm
Boredom

i'm in gryffindor!

be sorted @ nimbo.net

Congratulations on making Gryffindor!

Basically, you're brave, daring, chivalrous, and pretty much.. an all around good person. Of course, some see you as a goodie-two-shoes. But hey, it's true! You're really good at winning, and normally always come out as the hero. Everybody likes you.. except, maybe, the Slytherins. You're too perfect. No, really.. You're too perfect. It's annoying to watch you win, repeatedly. Oh well. Be proud anyway.



Gryffindors to Remember:

Harry Potter (the boy who lived..)

Ron Weasley (red hair, vacant expression.. we love weasleys!)

The whole damn Weasley family! (stop mating, already!!!)

Hermione Granger (you annoy me.. you know too much)

Albus Dumbledore (yeah yeah.. we all know this)

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